


succès

by Cloudnine101



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Anxiety, First Kiss, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-17
Updated: 2016-05-17
Packaged: 2018-06-09 02:30:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6885502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cloudnine101/pseuds/Cloudnine101
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five faces of success according to Jack Zimmermann.</p>
            </blockquote>





	succès

_1_

Success is feeling his throat loosen and his chest expand when he aims, when he thrusts forwards with his arm, right foot first, and manages to just - _just_ \- nudge the puck into the corner of the net. Success is being as light as air - having Shitty's arm around his head, the crowd on his side, his face being chafed against the coarse cotton of a jersey that smells as though it hasn't been washed in weeks.

His foot placement was perfect, when he looks back on it. Somebody on the back row decided to put it on YouTube. It was a good shot - a great shot. Jack walks out into the courtyard with a spring in his step. He's wearing new shoes, the shoes his mother bought for him. He thinks they make him stand taller.

 

_2_

Success is not having that drink, because where that gets him - isn't pretty. Success is not sitting in the back of Kent's room underneath his planet mobile and trading shots for kisses (one shot, one kiss, two shots, three kisses, Kent's shirt comes off). Success isn't waking up in the morning with a pounding head and bleary eyes, and the the sinking, the realisation, forced, that he's forgotten something. What's he forgotten today - ?

Everything will be fine - coming down for breakfast. - He can't talk to any of them - not to his parents. - They know he can't do it, he's keeping it from them. - He'll be hurting them - when it comes out, he'll be hurting them. - (Four shots, sixteen kisses, and his shirt comes off, too.) - Going back upstairs to the cabinet and taking another two pills, waking himself up, and starting over.

That's where it gets him. Success isn't that. He hasn't seen Kent in years.

The new kid on the team won't stop staring at him. Jack's used to that. But it can't be in a good way. When is it ever? He can't know - not yet - but it's only a matter of time. The new kid doesn't like getting checked. The new kid's all over the place.

The new kid's name is Eric Bittle - Bitty. He seems a good enough kind of person - handsome, too. Jack's confident enough in his gayness (or whatever the hell he's meant to call it) to accept that.

He helps Bittle train.

Two weeks later: Bittle's taking a lucky shot and slamming it into the back of the neck. (The shot was meant for Jack.)

 

_3_

Success is watching Bitty smile at him. That's a victory. Bitty hands out smiles to everybody, every which way. He doesn't care if they aren't returned. He's small, yeah, but he isn't - breakable. Delicate. He looks as though he could take a punch, fake a smile.

Jack doesn't want him to have to do that.

Bitty's hair - Jack can't quite name the colour. It's somewhere between ginger and blonde. When Bitty sits in front of him, Jack can see the places where it curls. He keeps up the conversation with Shirty and _the gang_ (because that's what they've decided to call themselves, apparently). Every so often, Bitty laughs. Jack hopes it's over something he's said.

(Sure, Jack wanted the shot. They work so much better as a team, though, than he did by himself.)

 

_4_

Success is not going back to Kent - an achievement? At the least, Kent still wanted him. What did Jack do? Kick him out. Look what happened last time - but it wasn't for the same reasons. Last time, he was selfish, and Kent was better than him.

Jack goes to the rink the next morning. He puts pucks into the net until the stinging in his eyes has stopped and he can breathe clearly, only he can't. How is this his life? How is it? Everybody says that it's supposed to be the best time - and it was - Bitty was holding his hand.

That one time when Jack stumbled in on Bitty showering - which did happen, and not just in his head - he was shocked. Now, he's - he can't stop thinking about it.

He wonders what Bitty would look like beside him. Bitty's hands are pale and even, topped with freckles and nicks and cuts. There's even a mark from a ring on his left-hand pinkie.

They're on the couch together that evening, and Bitty's talking about something he's going to bake for the lot of them when they win - not if, _when_. Jack basks in it. (In case Bitty wasn't perfect enough, he also _bakes_.) 

 _When_ they win, there's going to be an after-party. Bitty might come up to him - before, during, after - and ask, "Can we go up to my room?" There'd be something else with it, because Bitty always talks in riddles. "I mean, just for a little bit, so that we could - "

And Jack will dip him down into his arms and brush his golden-red hair back from his cheeks and crush him into his chest, so that there's no gap between the two of them, just the warmth of Bitty's head underneath his chin. 

(They don't win.)

 

_5_

Success is being the best. Success is being better at something that everybody else - as good as his father, at least. But his father was winning tournaments at his age, and what's Jack doing? Where is he? Sitting in a college hockey team. It's time to move somewhere new - further himself. Hockey is how he sees himself apart from other people. It was the first great - love, really, in his life. And that's why Jack agrees to join a team that's hours' drive away, humming along to his music and watching the sophomores play out on the field.

He has to go and say goodbye. He knows that.

 

_+1_

Success is being courageous, Jack reminds himself, and Bitty's face is tilted up ever so slightly - this is his opportunity. He can - kiss him. Once. Maybe twice. Press his advantage? Bitty's been crying - because Jack's going - unless it's over something random. - He must know that Jack cares. - He'd be - kind?

Jack tries to say his name. He manages.

Bitty says, "Oh my goodness - why are - " He's stammering. His face is red. "Is everything _alright_? You're outta breath! You could have texted - "

"Bitty," Jack says, and he is courageous after all.


End file.
